How to Win When You Are Losing

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:00:00]:
Well, hello there. Welcome back to the Happy Healthy Hustle podcast. I’m your host, Dr. Christiane and I’m really excited that you’re here today. Today I have some really special teasers. So this is going to be a jam packed episode with lots of cool and fun stuff and I’m actually sharing something really special with you here today. So today’s story is really about showing that life has a funny way of teaching us lessons. Right when we least expected, today’s story actually happened on the very first day of filming my new YouTube show, Office Hours, which will officially launch on October 10th, World Mental Health Day.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:00:47]:
So that episode here today really kind of showcases what happened behind the scenes. So stay tuned. This is going to be a good one. And whenever real life really doesn’t match your plan and why actually this might be the best thing possible is what we’re really going to take away today on this episode here. So stay tuned. It was a quiet afternoon at home. We filmed on Monday. And there is that little window of calm.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:01:16]:
I call it my reset time. And if you know me, you know I have this reset time in the afternoon I make my matcha. It’s like totally sacred to me. It’s my daily ritual, my moment to slow down, reflect and recenter before the next wave of activity. So there I was, I was actually halfway through curling my hair to get ready for the show and one side of my head was perfectly done and the other side was completely ignored. And I was enjoying my matcha in that moment when I saw a text message coming in on my phone. And the text message came from my student interviewer for our office hours show. And her text said, see you in a bit.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:01:58]:
And I looked at the clock and I thought, see in a bit? Yeah, sure. And I just wrote back yes. And then I heard the doorbell ring. She actually came 30 minutes early. Yeah, of course, right. And I just laughed and took another sip of matcha and went to the door and opened it and I said, all right, come on in. And when she walked in, I said, you’re early. And she was like, oh my gosh, am I? And I was like, yeah, don’t worry at all.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:02:24]:
We changed the time, but it’s not a big deal. Just come with me to the bedro while I finish curling my hair. And it felt quite natural until the moment when I opened my the door to my bedroom. Because in that moment I looked at the bed and I thought, oh, yeah. So here it was. Right. I need to clarify something important with you. I’m not an unmade bed type of person.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:02:49]:
To me, making your bed is like a big ritual, right? I believe in transitioning from sleep time to daytime and signaling to your body, and it brings your day into motion. But on that afternoon, the bed was made, but on top of the maid bed was all this folded laundry. So piles of folded laundry, and they were waiting to be put away. So what did I do? I immediately said, oh, my gosh, sorry, it usually doesn’t look this way. And then I thought, why do these words even come out? Why am I apologizing? My bed is weighed, the laundry is clean, it’s folded. I’m drinking a Matcha. There’s nothing really wrong with this particular situation right here. Nothing needs an apology.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:03:34]:
And I couldn’t even believe that these words even came out right. So let’s dig a little bit behind the scenes. Kind of like Matcha meets behavioral economics. What’s really going on here? That little reaction, that unnecessary. I’m sorry is a perfect real world example of what we call in behavioral economics, loss aversion. Loss aversion is a behavioral economics concept that explains why humans fear losing something more than they enjoy, gaining something of equal value. We try to protect our image, our control, our sense of having it together. And in that moment, my brain basically told me, if she sees that laundry, you lose credibility.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:04:26]:
I mean, keep in mind, she’s one of my students and now she’s at my house. But the truth is, she didn’t even notice. She wasn’t even thinking about that laundry. She was just smiling, excited to be there, and ready to talk about the show. So there was absolutely no need for me to even point this out or even apologize about it. And that’s when it really hit me. The loss was entirely in my head. Yeah.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:04:58]:
So in that moment, I let go of that need to look perfectly composed, and everything kind of shifted. Right. We started talking about that office hour recording that we were doing on that day, how excited she was, what questions she wanted to ask, and how surreal it filmed to be filming on that day. And there it was, the connection, not in the polished setup, but in the shared human moment. And I kept curling my hair, I kept drinking my Matcha, and we were laughing about it. We kind of went through the question. And that’s when another behavioral economics concept really came to mind. It’s called authenticity bias.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:05:44]:
Authenticity bias means people are drawn to those who are real. When we see imperfection, we feel at ease. It’s the reason we root for the underdog and relax around People who don’t pretend everything is perfect. So instead of losing credibility, I actually gained trust because she saw the behind the scenes. She saw I’m human. And I felt we actually connected much more in that moment. Let’s connect the dots a little bit. Loss aversion versus authenticity bias.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:06:21]:
Behaviorally speaking, these two forces were at play there. Loss aversion says, protect your image, stay polished. Authenticity bias says, show up as you are. People will connect with that. When you lose your polished image, you actually gain trust. And when you lose perfection, you win connection. So think a little bit about that. There’s nothing that you will ever lose.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:06:53]:
It’s only you’re winning by losing. So that’s really going to be the heart of our YouTube show, Office Hours. It’s not meant to be staged or rehearsed. It’s meant to show what real conversation looks like. Curious, honest, and human. And let me share something really special with you right now that ties in with how I started this show here today with the hair, right? Because it kind of turned into a whole theme for office hours. I’m actually going to have my hair down to kind of like say, all right, I am being honest. I’m open and my hair is just down.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:07:37]:
It’s relaxed, natural conversation. Ready on the happy, healthy hustle. So far, you see me with my signature bun, focused and in work mode. But who knows? I might actually switch things up. Right? I mean, let me know in the comments. Right there. Surprise is always an element that I’m totally up for. Right? So let me know in the comments what you think.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:08:00]:
Hair down, office hours, ban for podcasts, trade places once in a while. I mean, I’m open to anything right now, but I can tell you that my TEDx talk, the comments about the hair were probably equally excited as the comments about the talk itself. So to me, this is kind of like a very happy moment. So the best talk, the best part is really the whole thing ties in perfectly with my TEDx talk, how small steps create big change. Because in reality, the talk is about how progress doesn’t come from giant leaps. It comes from small, consistent, sometimes messy steps. And if you think now what I just shared with you to today, that day when we filmed for the Office Hours, that was one of those small steps where a real life moment where things weren’t perfect, but something meaningful happened. Anyway, so tune in for Office hours on Friday, Oct.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:08:57]:
10, 2025, World Mental Health Day. Give it a watch, like it, comment it with your favorite takeaway, and share it with someone who Might need that reminder, that small step count. And while you’re there, check out my TEDx recording. And keep one thing in mind. Perfection is the enemy of connection. We’ve all been taught that perfection equals credibility, but that’s how humans connect. Authenticity creates psychological safety, and safety creates trust. And trust creates relationships.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:09:35]:
So keep that in mind next time when you think you need to apologize for something, there’s absolutely no need, because we rather want to see somebody authentic than creating that fake sense of everything is perfect. That’s when the real currency happens. The communication, not the polish. But the presence matters. So your petite practice for the week is going to be one small intentional experiment. Let someone see your real side. Invite a friend. Whether you’re in the middle of curling your hair, in the middle of drinking your matcha, or maybe in the middle of recording a video, start the video before everything is perfect.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:10:19]:
Show a little bit behind the scenes. Post something mid process instead of finished. Because those aren’t losses, they are just the quiet wins for authenticity, connection, and call. With that, I have my little Matcha reflection for you. Because of course, after that recording on Monday, when we finished an amazing first episode of Office Hours, I went back to my kitchen and I took a sip of my matcha and I just kind of smiled and I thought it couldn’t have started in any better way. It would have been really funny for me to make this all about perfection. Because day one of Office Hours didn’t begin with perfection. Begin with honesty.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:11:08]:
And that’s exactly what I want to show and embody. And that’s how I want to connect with you about this. Small steps, real moments, connection over control. And with that, I want to also bring it back to you. I hope that if you find yourself mid curl, mid coffee, mid matcha, when life is maybe deciding to arrive 30 minutes early, just take a breath. You don’t have to apologize for being human, for being real, for being who you are. You don’t have to tidy up the truth either. Your friends will love you no matter what.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:11:51]:
And they might love you in that moment, maybe even a little bit more. Because when you stop worrying about looking ready, you realize you already are. And that’s how you win. Even when you feel you’re losing, you are winning in that moment. With that, let’s come to our final reflection of today’s episode, how to win when you feel you’re losing. So this week, let’s stop apologizing for real life. Stop saying sorry for folded laundry, for half done hair, and of course, to show up as you are. And I also want to point out one important thing is that’s where the connection really lives and that’s how you realize your true friends, right? That’s where you find your calm.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:12:39]:
Thank you so much for joining me for another episode of the Happy Healthy Hustle. I’m really excited that you are here today. I’m your host, Dr. Christiane. And don’t forget, the first episode of Office Hours is launching on October 10th, World Mental Health Day. I can’t wait for you to see it. Hair down, mid curl, maybe even a bun. We’ll see what happens.

Dr. Christiane Schroeter [00:13:03]:
But if you haven’t yet, also watched my TEDx talk, how small steps create big change. Like it, comment and share it. Because small steps really do create big impact. Thank you so much. Show up. We’ll show up mid matcha and show up as you. Thank you.